I thought IPs had two embryos left. I forgot they only had four to start with. On the day of the transfer all four were thawed. Three were good. We implanted two and the last was to be refrozen. Unfortunately the last embryo did not make it through the refreezing process. It was upsetting news. I don't know where we are going to go from here. There is the option IM can do another egg retrieval. I don't know if she is up for that. She has already said that maybe it was not meant for them to have more children. I feel bad hearing her say that. I realize that she has been through a lot. I wish this could be easier for them.
I am going to give them some time to sort through their options and decide if they want to move forward or not. I did let them know that I am here for them should they decide to try again. I will not push the issue. I am going to wait until after the holidays and see where they are at with their decision. I don't want to think of moving on without them. Should they decide they are done, well, then we will cross that bridge when we get there. I do still have a strong desire to be a surrogate. I feel it in my heart that this is something I was meant to do. I want to see this through and hope that it will be with my current IPs.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
This journey has come to a halt
I am still in shock as I type this. On Friday, Sept. 4th I went in for a routine ultrasound. IF met me there. IM was not feeling well that morning so she stayed home fearing she might get me sick. I felt bad that she could not be there but I was excited for IF to finally get to see the baby. We were in good spirits as I lay on the table waiting for a glimpse of Baby N. He was amazed when I showed him how I was already getting a belly. As the technician searched around I started to feel a sudden sense of panic. Her expression gave her away. Then she said the dreaded words, “there is no heartbeat.” She went on to tell us that while I should have been measuring 8wks1d, I was only measuring 6wks4d. While all this was going on I was still trying to rationalize in my head that she was wrong and that she just wasn’t looking hard enough. I knew in my heart I was the one that was wrong. I felt the ache as soon as I saw her face. I looked at IF and saw the always smiling face turned to worry. That was hard to see. I was trying so hard to hold back the tears. We were told to go back to the waiting room to wait for the doctor to arrive. He was on his way in from one of his other locations. For a few moments we said nothing. I don’t remember how the conversation started, just that I ended up in tears with IF trying to console me. I felt pathetic. Shouldn’t I have been the one consoling him? I pulled myself together and we talked about this and that until we were called back to see the doctor. As we walked into that room we were both clinging to hope. The doctor wanted to do another scan. I silently prayed while he searched from some sign of a heartbeat. Unfortunately he was unable to find anything. He showed us the pregnancy sac, the yolk sac, and the spot where the baby was. He said the lining was nice and thick and there was no physical reason for the baby’s failure to thrive. He said it was just a bad embryo. It was heartbreaking news.
Before IF left I wanted to say something to him, something to comfort him. All I could manage was a teary-eyed “sorry.” I had my breakdown in the car. Once I calmed down enough to manage words I called a dear friend who was watching the girls for me. She was my angel that day. She helped me keep it together during my drive home. I have had a few breakdowns since then. It’s hard to explain how I am feeling. On top of feeling my own pain over the loss I am feeling the pain of the parents as well. My heart aches for them. I know how loved this baby was already. I hate to see that taken away from them. It’s not fair. Then there is that part of me that feels like I failed them. I know it’s not my fault. I know that but I still can’t shake the guilt. It was my responsibility to keep this baby safe and do all I could to ensure the health of this child. I did everything in my power to make sure Baby N was well taken care of. Like I said, I know that but I can’t help how I feel.
Physically I still feel pregnant. Technically I still am. They opted not to do a D&C and decided to let things happen naturally. I have yet to start to miscarry. That in itself is a struggle. My body is telling me there is a baby in there but my mind knows better. It’s hard to find closure when I am stuck in limbo.
The parents are doing okay. I talked to IM Friday afternoon. I could hear the sadness in her voice but overall it seemed like she was handling the news well. As well as could be expected anyway. I haven’t called them since. I did send IM a text letting her know I was thinking of them and keeping them in my prayers. I understand that they need to have time to grieve so I am giving them their space.
I don’t know where we are going to go from here. I don’t know if they want to try again with the remaining embryo. There is a possibility there might be two embryos left. There was the one that they were going to refreeze. They had to let it mature an extra day to see how it did. I have not heard whether or not it survived. I hope it did. Anything to help increase their chances should they try again. I am willing if they are. My goal was to give this family a healthy baby. I am praying that one day I will still be able to do that.
Before IF left I wanted to say something to him, something to comfort him. All I could manage was a teary-eyed “sorry.” I had my breakdown in the car. Once I calmed down enough to manage words I called a dear friend who was watching the girls for me. She was my angel that day. She helped me keep it together during my drive home. I have had a few breakdowns since then. It’s hard to explain how I am feeling. On top of feeling my own pain over the loss I am feeling the pain of the parents as well. My heart aches for them. I know how loved this baby was already. I hate to see that taken away from them. It’s not fair. Then there is that part of me that feels like I failed them. I know it’s not my fault. I know that but I still can’t shake the guilt. It was my responsibility to keep this baby safe and do all I could to ensure the health of this child. I did everything in my power to make sure Baby N was well taken care of. Like I said, I know that but I can’t help how I feel.
Physically I still feel pregnant. Technically I still am. They opted not to do a D&C and decided to let things happen naturally. I have yet to start to miscarry. That in itself is a struggle. My body is telling me there is a baby in there but my mind knows better. It’s hard to find closure when I am stuck in limbo.
The parents are doing okay. I talked to IM Friday afternoon. I could hear the sadness in her voice but overall it seemed like she was handling the news well. As well as could be expected anyway. I haven’t called them since. I did send IM a text letting her know I was thinking of them and keeping them in my prayers. I understand that they need to have time to grieve so I am giving them their space.
I don’t know where we are going to go from here. I don’t know if they want to try again with the remaining embryo. There is a possibility there might be two embryos left. There was the one that they were going to refreeze. They had to let it mature an extra day to see how it did. I have not heard whether or not it survived. I hope it did. Anything to help increase their chances should they try again. I am willing if they are. My goal was to give this family a healthy baby. I am praying that one day I will still be able to do that.
Friday, August 28, 2009
How am I feeling?
I have been asked several times how I am feeling. I don't mind the question at all. Answering the question, however, has been a bit of a challenge. I am trying to stay upbeat and go about life like I am doing just fine. Honestly though, I am not feeling well most of the time. I am nauseous all day. I am exhausted and walking around in a fog. I frequently get headaches and hot flashes. I go back and forth from being hungry all the time to not feeling like eating. Either my food taste like the best thing I have ever tasted or it turns my stomach. Funny how I go from one extreme to another. There seems to be no middle ground with me right now. I am seriously bloated. I already look PG! It's not just in my belly though, my whole body looks puffy. Aside from all that the worst part is my crankiness. I am trying so hard not to let my mood affect my family. I can't say I have been 100% successful in my efforts. They have been very understanding and patient with me. I love them for that!
Please don't mistake this for a rant. I really am thankful for each and every symptom, regardless of how bad I am feeling. That is because I know that with each bout of nausea and every bit of lost sleep I am creating a miracle. I would not trade this experience for anything. I will continue to look ahead to that day I get to see my IPs holding their new baby and that makes it all worth while.
Baby Update:
At the u/s on Tuesday Baby N was measuring 5 days ahead of the last u/s. The previous u/s was exactly 5 days prior so the measurements were right on. Still no heartbeat but everything continues to look good. By the time we go back on 9/4 we should be able to see a nice, healthy heartbeat. IF was able to make arrangements so he could be there with us as well. It will be fun having both of them there for this appointment. We can all breathe a sigh of relief together once we finally get to see that little heartbeat. :-)
Please don't mistake this for a rant. I really am thankful for each and every symptom, regardless of how bad I am feeling. That is because I know that with each bout of nausea and every bit of lost sleep I am creating a miracle. I would not trade this experience for anything. I will continue to look ahead to that day I get to see my IPs holding their new baby and that makes it all worth while.
Baby Update:
At the u/s on Tuesday Baby N was measuring 5 days ahead of the last u/s. The previous u/s was exactly 5 days prior so the measurements were right on. Still no heartbeat but everything continues to look good. By the time we go back on 9/4 we should be able to see a nice, healthy heartbeat. IF was able to make arrangements so he could be there with us as well. It will be fun having both of them there for this appointment. We can all breathe a sigh of relief together once we finally get to see that little heartbeat. :-)
Friday, August 21, 2009
First Ultrasound
I had my first u/s on Thursday. There is only one baby in there, much to IM's relief. Lol. It was too early for us to see a heartbeat but we could see the pregnancy sac and the yolk sac. The nurse said it appeared to be a healthy PG. All the measurements were accurate for our due date. I finally got a due date! Baby N, as I will refer to him/her, will be due on April 19,2010. This is also my DD's birthday. We thought that was pretty cool.
IM was at the appointment with me. It was fun watching her expression as the nurse explained to us what we were seeing. She was able to get a picture for IF. When I talked to him he said he keeps looking at the picture in fascination. They are both so happy. I can't even explain the feeling of warmth I feel when I see their faces or hear them talk about the baby. It's a good feeling my friends.
I go back on Tuesday for another u/s and more blood work. I was originally scheduled for a third u/s Friday 8/28 but we are going to see if we can reschedule for the following Friday so IF can be there too. They were not kidding when they said they monitor these pregnancies more closely. Oh well, it will be fun to watch Baby N's progress. :-)
IM was at the appointment with me. It was fun watching her expression as the nurse explained to us what we were seeing. She was able to get a picture for IF. When I talked to him he said he keeps looking at the picture in fascination. They are both so happy. I can't even explain the feeling of warmth I feel when I see their faces or hear them talk about the baby. It's a good feeling my friends.
I go back on Tuesday for another u/s and more blood work. I was originally scheduled for a third u/s Friday 8/28 but we are going to see if we can reschedule for the following Friday so IF can be there too. They were not kidding when they said they monitor these pregnancies more closely. Oh well, it will be fun to watch Baby N's progress. :-)
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The results are in!
And it is fantastic news.....I am pregnant!!! The Beta was 598miU at 14dpt. The nurse said the numbers sound good for a healthy singleton. Perfect! Of course there is still the possibility that both embryos took and we could have a little extra surprise at the ultrasound. I should have an ultrasound performed sometime within the next couple of weeks.
I was hoping to be able to tell IPs the good news myself but the nurse had already called them before I had a chance to speak with them. I had planned on having a little fun with them. :-) I was going to tell them I had good news and bad news. The good news was that I am pregnant and the bad news being that they were stuck with me for the next nine months. Haha! I told them what I had planned and laughed about it. They were just so happy. Their excitement made my day. I feel blessed to be able to give this gift to such an amazing couple. This is going to be one lucky kid.
I was hoping to be able to tell IPs the good news myself but the nurse had already called them before I had a chance to speak with them. I had planned on having a little fun with them. :-) I was going to tell them I had good news and bad news. The good news was that I am pregnant and the bad news being that they were stuck with me for the next nine months. Haha! I told them what I had planned and laughed about it. They were just so happy. Their excitement made my day. I feel blessed to be able to give this gift to such an amazing couple. This is going to be one lucky kid.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Symptoms
I had some blood work done on Thursday and they said everything looked good, BUT they want me to increase the PIO injections from 1cc a day to 2cc a day. From what I have been reading most clinics want the progesterone level to be at least 20ng/ml. Mine was 15.8ng/ml. I wasn't too happy about doing two shots a day. DH was not too keen on the idea either. He is the one that gives me the injections. He does a good job at it but he does not like doing it. We opted to try doing one 2cc injection. It really is not as bad as I thought it would be. It burns a little more but nothing I can't live with. Hopefully everything will check out when we go back to the RE on the 13th.
4 days until the moment of truth! I am feeling better and better about the results every day. I have had a lot of the same symptoms I've had with some of my previous pregnancies. The cramping and the fatigue started on day three post-transfer. I started having bouts of nausea around day seven post-transfer. Today my appetite has been insane. I woke up starving, ate breakfast and less than 2hrs later was starving again. I have one other symptom but it is not very lady like so I will refrain from typing it. I'm sure some of you know what I am talking about.
I did ask IPs if they wanted me to do a home pregnancy test(HPT). They thought about it for a little bit and decided it would be better to wait until the beta. I can't blame them. I know they are nervous. If the results were negative, regardless of PG or not, then it would probably crush us all. I've read stories where women get a positive beta and take a HPT just to see the lines and it came back negative. I can see how that would be discouraging. I'm trying to be patient. It's not easy!
4 days until the moment of truth! I am feeling better and better about the results every day. I have had a lot of the same symptoms I've had with some of my previous pregnancies. The cramping and the fatigue started on day three post-transfer. I started having bouts of nausea around day seven post-transfer. Today my appetite has been insane. I woke up starving, ate breakfast and less than 2hrs later was starving again. I have one other symptom but it is not very lady like so I will refrain from typing it. I'm sure some of you know what I am talking about.
I did ask IPs if they wanted me to do a home pregnancy test(HPT). They thought about it for a little bit and decided it would be better to wait until the beta. I can't blame them. I know they are nervous. If the results were negative, regardless of PG or not, then it would probably crush us all. I've read stories where women get a positive beta and take a HPT just to see the lines and it came back negative. I can see how that would be discouraging. I'm trying to be patient. It's not easy!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
FET-Frozen Embryo Transfer
On Thursday July 30th we transferred two perfect embryos. I don't know the grade, quality or even how many days old they were. I guess they felt I am on a need to know basis? Hearing the doctor say they were perfect was good enough for me. :-) Originally they thawed out two embryos and one was not looking so great. IPs made the decision to thaw out two more. Both of those thawed out perfectly. That left IPs with a big decision to make, 2 or 3. IF wanted to do three but IM really only wanted two. I can't blame her. They already have a set of twins. The more embryos they implant the greater the risk of having multiples again. Although I would not mind carrying twins, I want what is best for my IPs. We would all be thrilled with one healthy baby. They were able to refreeze the third embryo so that does give them an option for the future.
The procedure itself was not bad at all. The worst part was the full bladder. They make you fill your bladder to the point of near explosion (kidding, but it was uncomfortably full). The reason for that is to help position the uterus. It also helps create a clearer picture for the ultrasound. They went through the cervix with a catheter containing the embryos. The ultrasound helped them to see where the tip of the catheter was in the uterus. Once they reached the ideal location they released the embryos from the catheter into the uterus. There was a monitor for us to see the whole process. IM got to be in the room with me. I was so glad to have her there to go through it with me. We were both pretty amazed by the whole process.
After the procedure they had me lay tilted head down for about an hour. IPs and DH took turns coming back to check on me. I was trying to keep up conversation but the Valium they had me take before the procedure finally started to kick in. Any other time you give me a medication that says may cause drowsiness I will be out within 20min. The excitement from the procedure must have won over. After that it was all over. I slept the entire ride home.
I had to do three days of strict bed rest following the IVF. It was okay. I started to get restless by the end of day one. I am not used to staying still for very long. With four kids who has time to stay still?! DH did a great job taking over for me. He was glad to go back to work on Monday though. LOL. IPs and their little ones came to visit on Saturday. They were sweet enough to bring take out from my favorite Mexican restaurant. They also brought me a box of Godiva chocolates and some books for the kids. I knew I picked the right couple. hahaha! No, really, it was very sweet of them to do that for us. I was just happy to get to visit with them for awhile. It was cute watching the kids play together.
I am not going to say these are symptoms but for the past couple of days I have been very tired, even more than before. I have also had some cramping and a couple of dizzy spells. I am dying to know if the transfer took. IPs are excited and nervous about the results as well. I say a prayer every night that we will be blessed with a positive result next week. The Beta HCG test is scheduled for 8/13. Not soon enough! ;-) I hope to have some good news to share soon!!!
The procedure itself was not bad at all. The worst part was the full bladder. They make you fill your bladder to the point of near explosion (kidding, but it was uncomfortably full). The reason for that is to help position the uterus. It also helps create a clearer picture for the ultrasound. They went through the cervix with a catheter containing the embryos. The ultrasound helped them to see where the tip of the catheter was in the uterus. Once they reached the ideal location they released the embryos from the catheter into the uterus. There was a monitor for us to see the whole process. IM got to be in the room with me. I was so glad to have her there to go through it with me. We were both pretty amazed by the whole process.
After the procedure they had me lay tilted head down for about an hour. IPs and DH took turns coming back to check on me. I was trying to keep up conversation but the Valium they had me take before the procedure finally started to kick in. Any other time you give me a medication that says may cause drowsiness I will be out within 20min. The excitement from the procedure must have won over. After that it was all over. I slept the entire ride home.
I had to do three days of strict bed rest following the IVF. It was okay. I started to get restless by the end of day one. I am not used to staying still for very long. With four kids who has time to stay still?! DH did a great job taking over for me. He was glad to go back to work on Monday though. LOL. IPs and their little ones came to visit on Saturday. They were sweet enough to bring take out from my favorite Mexican restaurant. They also brought me a box of Godiva chocolates and some books for the kids. I knew I picked the right couple. hahaha! No, really, it was very sweet of them to do that for us. I was just happy to get to visit with them for awhile. It was cute watching the kids play together.
I am not going to say these are symptoms but for the past couple of days I have been very tired, even more than before. I have also had some cramping and a couple of dizzy spells. I am dying to know if the transfer took. IPs are excited and nervous about the results as well. I say a prayer every night that we will be blessed with a positive result next week. The Beta HCG test is scheduled for 8/13. Not soon enough! ;-) I hope to have some good news to share soon!!!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Almost there!
I made a couple of trips to the RE this week. More bloodwork and ultrasounds. Uterine lining is up to 12mm so we are looking good. :-)
Last night was my first PIO (progesterone in oil) injection. I had DH do it. There was this whole manuevering issue when I tried to do it. DH is not a big fan of needles so I was worried if he could handle it or not. I wound up being more nervous than him. It wasn't the needle that worried me, it was his inexperience. I started laughing everytime he came near me. Nervous laughter. I finally laid face down on the bed and told him to go for it. He did it so quick I did not have a chance to change my mind. I didn't even know the needle was in until he told me. I never felt a thing. He did good! I am a little sore now though but that's because of the meds. Tonight should be a little less dramatic since I know we can both do this now.
Now for the big news. We have a transfer date! We are doing the transfer on Thursday 7/30. That's only 4 days away! While I am not nervous for the procedure I am nervous for my IPs. I just really want this to work out for them. I asked them how they were feeling and they admitted to being nervous too. They only have 5 embryos left so we don't have a lot of chances to make this work. We will be doing a lot of praying through this whole process.
After the procedure I will have to be on strict bedrest for three days. I still don't know how I am going to manage that. If it were just me it wouldn't be a problem. Trying to figure out what to do with four young children has been a bit of a challenge. I am surrounded by amazing people who are more than willing to help. I am so greatful for each and every one of my angels. Now if I could shake the feeling of guilt for asking them to take on all four of my monkeys. That goes back to that part of me that does not like to ask for help. I know I don't have a choice this time. This is too important.
Well friends, the next time I post I will hopefully be with child. God willing!
Last night was my first PIO (progesterone in oil) injection. I had DH do it. There was this whole manuevering issue when I tried to do it. DH is not a big fan of needles so I was worried if he could handle it or not. I wound up being more nervous than him. It wasn't the needle that worried me, it was his inexperience. I started laughing everytime he came near me. Nervous laughter. I finally laid face down on the bed and told him to go for it. He did it so quick I did not have a chance to change my mind. I didn't even know the needle was in until he told me. I never felt a thing. He did good! I am a little sore now though but that's because of the meds. Tonight should be a little less dramatic since I know we can both do this now.
Now for the big news. We have a transfer date! We are doing the transfer on Thursday 7/30. That's only 4 days away! While I am not nervous for the procedure I am nervous for my IPs. I just really want this to work out for them. I asked them how they were feeling and they admitted to being nervous too. They only have 5 embryos left so we don't have a lot of chances to make this work. We will be doing a lot of praying through this whole process.
After the procedure I will have to be on strict bedrest for three days. I still don't know how I am going to manage that. If it were just me it wouldn't be a problem. Trying to figure out what to do with four young children has been a bit of a challenge. I am surrounded by amazing people who are more than willing to help. I am so greatful for each and every one of my angels. Now if I could shake the feeling of guilt for asking them to take on all four of my monkeys. That goes back to that part of me that does not like to ask for help. I know I don't have a choice this time. This is too important.
Well friends, the next time I post I will hopefully be with child. God willing!
Friday, July 17, 2009
7/15 Appt
I had another appointment with the RE on Wednesday. They did an ultrasound to check the uterine lining and some blood work to check my estrogen and progesterone levels. Wednesday was day 5 of the estrogen patches and pills. Originally the script was for Estradiol 3xday. The nurse had me start out on 2xday and the plan was to increase the day of the scan. The purpose of the Estradiol is to thicken and mature the uterine lining. There are many different opinions on how thick the lining should be for FET. For the most part I read that they like it to be at least 7mm thick. When they did the scan on Wednesday the tech said my lining was 9.5mm and transfer ready. I was instructed to stay on my current dose of Estradiol. I go back on Monday for another ultrasound and blood draw.
I am glad to know I am responding well to the meds but I still don’t know what this means regarding the transfer date. I sent a message to the nurse to ask her about it and I have yet to hear back. She did try to call me last night but I missed her call. I hope to hear back from her today. If not I will see her Monday. I would just like to have a date to work around. I will have to have help with the kids and I would really like to be able to give people notice. The IPs would like to be there too so they will have to do some planning as well. We are all getting a little antsy.
Lately I have been feeling really tired. We have had a busy summer so far so I thought my schedule was finally catching up to me. I talked to IM yesterday and asked her if she had any side effects from the medications. She said all she remembers was being really tired. Good to know it’s not just me. I have read what some other women were saying about their side effects. If all I am experiencing is a little sleepiness then I am doing good. :-)
I am glad to know I am responding well to the meds but I still don’t know what this means regarding the transfer date. I sent a message to the nurse to ask her about it and I have yet to hear back. She did try to call me last night but I missed her call. I hope to hear back from her today. If not I will see her Monday. I would just like to have a date to work around. I will have to have help with the kids and I would really like to be able to give people notice. The IPs would like to be there too so they will have to do some planning as well. We are all getting a little antsy.
Lately I have been feeling really tired. We have had a busy summer so far so I thought my schedule was finally catching up to me. I talked to IM yesterday and asked her if she had any side effects from the medications. She said all she remembers was being really tired. Good to know it’s not just me. I have read what some other women were saying about their side effects. If all I am experiencing is a little sleepiness then I am doing good. :-)
Friday, July 3, 2009
Bag O' Meds
I had another appt with the RE on Wednesday. They did a quick ultrasound to check my ovaries for follicles and also to check the lining of my uterus. I am assuming this is to have something to compare the next scan to. They will need to check the lining again in another week or so to make sure it is thickening. I was given a shot of Lupron at the appointment to suppress my ovulation. I'm sure they will be checking for spontaneous ovulation as well. Then came the Bag O' Meds, as I like to call it. :-) First I will start out with the estrogen patches and pills. The pill is taken three times a day and the patches are changed out every 3d. I'll start those as soon as I start my cycle. I take the last of the birth control pills tonight so I should be starting soon. Once I have been on those a week I will go back for that second ultrasound. From there I will be instructed when to start the progesterone injections. The rest looks like it will be for the day of the transfer. It's a lot to keep up with but they gave me a calendar to help me keep track.
I wish I had a transfer date set already. Originally we projected it to be around the 14th. I was supposed to have this appointment last week but since I was going on vacation we put it off. That set us a week back. According to the nurse at the RE they generally do the transfers 18-20d from the start of a cycle. So we could be looking at some time within the next three weeks. As soon as I start I will have a better idea.
Everything else seems to be falling into place. I have filed my health insurance and my life insurance applications. The contract is signed and filed with the court. I should be hearing back from the lawyer at the beginning of the week with our court date. We're getting there!
I wish I had a transfer date set already. Originally we projected it to be around the 14th. I was supposed to have this appointment last week but since I was going on vacation we put it off. That set us a week back. According to the nurse at the RE they generally do the transfers 18-20d from the start of a cycle. So we could be looking at some time within the next three weeks. As soon as I start I will have a better idea.
Everything else seems to be falling into place. I have filed my health insurance and my life insurance applications. The contract is signed and filed with the court. I should be hearing back from the lawyer at the beginning of the week with our court date. We're getting there!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Hysterosonogram and other updates
I’m not very good at updating am I? Life has been very busy since the kids got out for the summer. Not too much going on with the surrogacy just now. A couple of updates:
I had my hysterosonogram on the 9th. I was a little nervous going in for that. The internet can be a great source of information but sometimes it can lead to too much information. From what I read the procedure could be painful. Some women described it as the worst pain they ever had. Really? Yikes! So you can see where the nerves came in. I was by myself so of course I was worried about being able to drive home. I was actually okay until the doctor came in. It didn’t help that he told me as he was about to start that he has been doing a lot of these procedures in the hospital so the women can be sedated for comfort reason. What?! I did not have any pain meds or sedatives. I silently freaked and braced myself. I was told I was going to feel a lot of pressure. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Waiting for the pain. Still waiting. Oh wait, there is no pain! What a relief! The procedure went very well and was over quick. The doctor said everything looked perfect.
This week was putting the final touches on the contract so we can get it signed. We are on a bit of a time crunch so hopefully we can finish up at the beginning of the week so we can get our court date scheduled. In TX the surrogacy has to be court approved. There are qualifications we have to meet on both sides. I don’t anticipate there being any problems. The only concern with that is the timing. If we are looking at doing an early July transfer then we need to have it approved very soon. It has to be approved 14d before the transfer date. We will be cutting it close, but C(their attorney) is confident we can get it done in time.
I had my interview for my life insurance policy on Wednesday. I am also working on the paperwork for my supplemental insurance. When my insurance company denied me we filed an appeal. They could not show any clear language explaining why I should not be covered. They denied the appeal anyway. We could be fighting this for a long time so we decided to drop it. It’s not fair to the IP’s to make them wait on me while we work through all of the insurance red tape. They have been so great through all of this.
The more I get to know the family the more I adore them. They have been great about calling to check in with us. Not just for surrogacy issues but to see how our family is doing. The last time we met them for lunch IM gave me a beautiful Willow Tree Angel of the Heart. What a thoughtful gift. I absolutely love it! Aside from all that I admire them for their family values and their kind nature. They really are the sweetest couple. I can tell the kids have inherited their parents sweet nature as well. I really could not image finding a better match. I am anticipating this journey to be filled with many fond memories.
Starting next week things should really start picking up. I will do my best to do a better job of updating.
I had my hysterosonogram on the 9th. I was a little nervous going in for that. The internet can be a great source of information but sometimes it can lead to too much information. From what I read the procedure could be painful. Some women described it as the worst pain they ever had. Really? Yikes! So you can see where the nerves came in. I was by myself so of course I was worried about being able to drive home. I was actually okay until the doctor came in. It didn’t help that he told me as he was about to start that he has been doing a lot of these procedures in the hospital so the women can be sedated for comfort reason. What?! I did not have any pain meds or sedatives. I silently freaked and braced myself. I was told I was going to feel a lot of pressure. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Waiting for the pain. Still waiting. Oh wait, there is no pain! What a relief! The procedure went very well and was over quick. The doctor said everything looked perfect.
This week was putting the final touches on the contract so we can get it signed. We are on a bit of a time crunch so hopefully we can finish up at the beginning of the week so we can get our court date scheduled. In TX the surrogacy has to be court approved. There are qualifications we have to meet on both sides. I don’t anticipate there being any problems. The only concern with that is the timing. If we are looking at doing an early July transfer then we need to have it approved very soon. It has to be approved 14d before the transfer date. We will be cutting it close, but C(their attorney) is confident we can get it done in time.
I had my interview for my life insurance policy on Wednesday. I am also working on the paperwork for my supplemental insurance. When my insurance company denied me we filed an appeal. They could not show any clear language explaining why I should not be covered. They denied the appeal anyway. We could be fighting this for a long time so we decided to drop it. It’s not fair to the IP’s to make them wait on me while we work through all of the insurance red tape. They have been so great through all of this.
The more I get to know the family the more I adore them. They have been great about calling to check in with us. Not just for surrogacy issues but to see how our family is doing. The last time we met them for lunch IM gave me a beautiful Willow Tree Angel of the Heart. What a thoughtful gift. I absolutely love it! Aside from all that I admire them for their family values and their kind nature. They really are the sweetest couple. I can tell the kids have inherited their parents sweet nature as well. I really could not image finding a better match. I am anticipating this journey to be filled with many fond memories.
Starting next week things should really start picking up. I will do my best to do a better job of updating.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The protocol
I finally got my FET(Frozen Embryo Transfer) protocol-
Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) Protocol for Blastocyst
Call the office Day #1 of your menstrual period to schedule your FET. If Day #1 is on a weekend or holiday, call on the following business day.
You may be placed on birth control pills based your physician’s recommendation. Then, a Lupron injection may be given to prevent premature ovulation during your IVF cycle. If you are on a different protocol, the nurse will discuss your medications and next step.
When you start your next period (Day #1), call the office to schedule your Day #3 (baseline) vaginal ultrasound and blood work. If Day #1 is on a weekend or holiday, call on the following business day.
By Day #3 of your menstrual cycle, you will have a baseline ultrasound and blood work done. On Day #3 you will also:
Return signed consent forms.
Complete payment arrangements.
Register at the hospital for the embryo transfer procedure.
If the results of your baseline tests are normal, you will be given instructions to start your Estrogen pills and patches.
Estrogen 2mg pills (Estrace) are placed under the tongue until dissolved three times a day.
Estrogen patches (Vivelle-Dot) are applied to the to skin of the lower abdomen and changed every 3 days. Rotate sites when applying a new patch. Detailed instructions are contained within the box of patches.
Mark your calendar on the date you apply the patch to keep track of when to change it.
You will return to the office frequently (approximately 2--5 visits) for vaginal ultrasounds to measure your endometrial lining and blood draws to monitor your estrogen level.
After it is determined that your lining is ready for embryo implantation, you will receive instructions to start Progesterone injections 6 days before the embryo transfer procedure. You will continue these injections until your pregnancy test (14 days after the embryo transfer).
Start Progesterone - 50mg/vial.
Use an 18 or 22G-1½” needle to draw up 1cc of progesterone.
Change the needle to a 25G-1½” and inject intramuscularly.
Administer progesterone at the same time everyday, preferably in the evening.
Do not store progesterone in the refrigerator.
You may warm the vial in your hand to ease injection discomfort.
Rub the area well after an injection to prevent knots and apply warm compress if desired.
Alternate hips with each injection.
The day before your embryo transfer you will start Medrol pills. Take 1 tab four times a day until all medication finished.
The embryo transfer
You may eat a normal breakfast before the procedure.
Arrive to the hospital/office on time.
Do not bring any valuables with you.
Dress comfortably, no jewelry, no make-up, no perfume.
Bring a bottle of water to fill your bladder.
Bring your Motrin and Valium. You will be instructed when to take them.
Activity as followed: Bed rest, except to use the bathroom, is required for the day of the transfer and two days after. You can sleep on you back, side, or stomach during this period. No showers or tub baths while on bed rest. It is essentially impossible to hurt the viability or implantation of the embryos by coughing, sneezing, laughing, or having bowel movements. Diet as desired. Constipation is common so increase fluids and fiber to avoid abdominal discomfort. Do not smoke, drink alcohol, or take any medications than those prescribed for the procedure. ONLY Tylenol Regular Strength is acceptable for pain relief. Once bed rest is completed, avoid strenuous activity (aerobics, jogging, bicycling, etc.) and avoid lifting heavy objects (heavier than a ½ gallon of milk, such as pets, children, and groceries) until your pregnancy test. If you have questions about specific activities just call our office.
Remember that FET can cause symptoms of pregnancy, which may include swollen and tender breasts, bloated stomach, increased vaginal discharge, and possibly some nausea. You may experience some light spotting as well. Please notify us if the bleeding is as heavy as a period.
A pregnancy test will be scheduled for 14 days following your embryo transfer.
If your test is positive you will continue the progesterone injections, estrogen pills and estrogen patches. It is your responsibility to refill prescriptions. We will continue monitoring you until about 8-10 weeks of pregnancy, although, you will be responsible for contacting your Ob/Gyn at 6 weeks of pregnancy and see them by 8 weeks of pregnancy. Nothing is to be inserted vaginally (i.e., intercourse) until a fetal heartbeat is seen.
If your test is negative we will schedule a physician consultation.
I start my birth control tomorrow. I have an appointment on Tuesday to have the rest of the lab work done. Remember that uncomfortable ultrasound that I thought I was not going to have? Apparently I will have it done after all. That will also take place on Tuesday. Jealous? ;-) Haha!
Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) Protocol for Blastocyst
Call the office Day #1 of your menstrual period to schedule your FET. If Day #1 is on a weekend or holiday, call on the following business day.
You may be placed on birth control pills based your physician’s recommendation. Then, a Lupron injection may be given to prevent premature ovulation during your IVF cycle. If you are on a different protocol, the nurse will discuss your medications and next step.
When you start your next period (Day #1), call the office to schedule your Day #3 (baseline) vaginal ultrasound and blood work. If Day #1 is on a weekend or holiday, call on the following business day.
By Day #3 of your menstrual cycle, you will have a baseline ultrasound and blood work done. On Day #3 you will also:
Return signed consent forms.
Complete payment arrangements.
Register at the hospital for the embryo transfer procedure.
If the results of your baseline tests are normal, you will be given instructions to start your Estrogen pills and patches.
Estrogen 2mg pills (Estrace) are placed under the tongue until dissolved three times a day.
Estrogen patches (Vivelle-Dot) are applied to the to skin of the lower abdomen and changed every 3 days. Rotate sites when applying a new patch. Detailed instructions are contained within the box of patches.
Mark your calendar on the date you apply the patch to keep track of when to change it.
You will return to the office frequently (approximately 2--5 visits) for vaginal ultrasounds to measure your endometrial lining and blood draws to monitor your estrogen level.
After it is determined that your lining is ready for embryo implantation, you will receive instructions to start Progesterone injections 6 days before the embryo transfer procedure. You will continue these injections until your pregnancy test (14 days after the embryo transfer).
Start Progesterone - 50mg/vial.
Use an 18 or 22G-1½” needle to draw up 1cc of progesterone.
Change the needle to a 25G-1½” and inject intramuscularly.
Administer progesterone at the same time everyday, preferably in the evening.
Do not store progesterone in the refrigerator.
You may warm the vial in your hand to ease injection discomfort.
Rub the area well after an injection to prevent knots and apply warm compress if desired.
Alternate hips with each injection.
The day before your embryo transfer you will start Medrol pills. Take 1 tab four times a day until all medication finished.
The embryo transfer
You may eat a normal breakfast before the procedure.
Arrive to the hospital/office on time.
Do not bring any valuables with you.
Dress comfortably, no jewelry, no make-up, no perfume.
Bring a bottle of water to fill your bladder.
Bring your Motrin and Valium. You will be instructed when to take them.
Activity as followed: Bed rest, except to use the bathroom, is required for the day of the transfer and two days after. You can sleep on you back, side, or stomach during this period. No showers or tub baths while on bed rest. It is essentially impossible to hurt the viability or implantation of the embryos by coughing, sneezing, laughing, or having bowel movements. Diet as desired. Constipation is common so increase fluids and fiber to avoid abdominal discomfort. Do not smoke, drink alcohol, or take any medications than those prescribed for the procedure. ONLY Tylenol Regular Strength is acceptable for pain relief. Once bed rest is completed, avoid strenuous activity (aerobics, jogging, bicycling, etc.) and avoid lifting heavy objects (heavier than a ½ gallon of milk, such as pets, children, and groceries) until your pregnancy test. If you have questions about specific activities just call our office.
Remember that FET can cause symptoms of pregnancy, which may include swollen and tender breasts, bloated stomach, increased vaginal discharge, and possibly some nausea. You may experience some light spotting as well. Please notify us if the bleeding is as heavy as a period.
A pregnancy test will be scheduled for 14 days following your embryo transfer.
If your test is positive you will continue the progesterone injections, estrogen pills and estrogen patches. It is your responsibility to refill prescriptions. We will continue monitoring you until about 8-10 weeks of pregnancy, although, you will be responsible for contacting your Ob/Gyn at 6 weeks of pregnancy and see them by 8 weeks of pregnancy. Nothing is to be inserted vaginally (i.e., intercourse) until a fetal heartbeat is seen.
If your test is negative we will schedule a physician consultation.
I start my birth control tomorrow. I have an appointment on Tuesday to have the rest of the lab work done. Remember that uncomfortable ultrasound that I thought I was not going to have? Apparently I will have it done after all. That will also take place on Tuesday. Jealous? ;-) Haha!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Hurry up and wait
I am beginning to know what the other surrogates were talking about when they said surrogacy is a big game of hurry up and wait. There really has not been anything to report over the last month. I am still waiting to do the last of the blood work. We are waiting for me to start my cycle to do that. The plan is to start me on the meds at the beginning of my cycle. I usually don't complain about my long cycles but when you are looking forward to starting for a change it seems like a very long wait. I should be making a call to the clinic for my appointment tomorrow morning. More than you all care to know right? Lol.
I am ready to finally get the ball rolling. Sounds silly but I am looking forward to starting the meds. Not that I am anxious to pump my body full of hormones but I know that this mean we are one step closer to making this happen. I can only imagine the anticipation the family is feeling. I remember how I felt when trying to conceive my babies. Even if it did not happen right away at least I felt like we were doing something. With every try we were moving closer to our goal. How must that feel to have it all completely out of your control? All the more reason I want to get going. I don't want this to be any harder on them than it has to be.
I did receive word from the surrogacy attorney today. She said the IPs have the contract and were reviewing it over the weekend. I should have it by this time next week. With this we will be yet another step closer. Baby steps seems to be the appropriate term.
I apologize if all of this is getting confusing. If it is coming across as confusing to you it is because it is confusing for me. The plans have changed so many times(appts, protocol, etc). Just when I think we are really moving along I find myself sitting around wondering what is going to happen next, and when! Baby steps. I will try to update as I can when I actually have something to update about. Hopefully soon!
I am ready to finally get the ball rolling. Sounds silly but I am looking forward to starting the meds. Not that I am anxious to pump my body full of hormones but I know that this mean we are one step closer to making this happen. I can only imagine the anticipation the family is feeling. I remember how I felt when trying to conceive my babies. Even if it did not happen right away at least I felt like we were doing something. With every try we were moving closer to our goal. How must that feel to have it all completely out of your control? All the more reason I want to get going. I don't want this to be any harder on them than it has to be.
I did receive word from the surrogacy attorney today. She said the IPs have the contract and were reviewing it over the weekend. I should have it by this time next week. With this we will be yet another step closer. Baby steps seems to be the appropriate term.
I apologize if all of this is getting confusing. If it is coming across as confusing to you it is because it is confusing for me. The plans have changed so many times(appts, protocol, etc). Just when I think we are really moving along I find myself sitting around wondering what is going to happen next, and when! Baby steps. I will try to update as I can when I actually have something to update about. Hopefully soon!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
RE appt
The appointment with the RE was short and sweet. IM met me at the clinic. It was nice to get to talk to her for awhile before being called back. I enjoyed hearing her talk about herself, IF and their kids. I can tell they are a close, loving family. I am thrilled to have a hand in adding to this wonderful family. God willing!
Back to the RE, this is the same doctor IM used to get pregnant with her twins. I’m not sure if I mentioned they have a set of twins through IVF. IM’s pregnancy was great. The complications arose after the delivery. As a result she is unable to carry another pregnancy. I won’t say too much because I want to protect their privacy. I at least want to let you know what made them turn to surrogacy. The embryos we will be using are from the same batch as the twins. The RE mentioned that they were all of great quality. He seems very confident that we will get pregnant. I was happy to hear that. He did say that implanting two embryos should be sufficient. When the IPs and I discussed the number of embryos to implant previously we agreed to three. IF did some research and said that because it is a frozen transfer the chances of the pregnancy taking are of a lower percentage. I did some research as well and found several articles that supported this theory. I also read that the frozen transfer is just as successful as a fresh transfer. Some doctors even suggested frozen were more successful. This is one of the reasons I was anxious to talk to the RE. I wanted his opinion on the matter. IM is happy to do only two embryos. I am going to let her discuss it with IF. I will be seeing them both soon so I will bring it up then and see what they decided.
The RE ordered an ultrasound while I was there. I was aware that I would need one at some point but I was not quite prepared to have it done that day. I was told this appointment was only a consultation and that the ultrasound appointment would probably be the following week. The plan was to have Bill take off the day of the ultrasound appointment so he could drive me. I heard it can be painful so I wanted him there as a backup in case I was too uncomfortable to drive home. Fortunately this ultrasound was not as invasive as the one they originally said they were going to do. Still, not my idea of a good time. The tech was making me laugh. She checked my uterus and then my ovaries. Everything looked good. No unwanted masses, etc, etc. She kept going back to my ovaries. She was fascinated by them. She commented on how fertile I must be. I laughed and told her I had four kids. She said, “I believe it!” LOL. She was cracking me up! At one point she was trying to count the follicles! She seriously acted like this was the highlight of her day!
Now that we have the all clear from the RE all we need to do is some blood work and then we can finally move on to the contract phase. In TX we have to get the court to approve the arrangement. The process could take 2-4wks. As soon as we get the court approval I will start on BCPs. I will be given a shot of Lupron at some point to start my cycle. Then I will start estrogen patches. Before the transfer I will start the PIO(progesterone in oil). This is a shot I will have to give myself daily. Once the pregnancy is confirmed I will hopefully get to switch to a different form of progesterone. I will need to continue that through the first 10wks of the pregnancy. After that I will be released from the REs care to my regular OB.
I will be doing the blood work on the 17th. We plan to meet with the IPs for lunch and then head to the clinic. We are able to do the tests at IF’s office so that allows us to be flexible with the time and date. I’m looking forward to getting our families together for the afternoon. They only got to meet K and M the last time. I think they are looking forward to meeting the rest of my crew. I have already told them so much about the kids. What can I say, I am a proud mama. I am hoping to get to know their little ones better as well. :-) They seem like great kids.
Back to the RE, this is the same doctor IM used to get pregnant with her twins. I’m not sure if I mentioned they have a set of twins through IVF. IM’s pregnancy was great. The complications arose after the delivery. As a result she is unable to carry another pregnancy. I won’t say too much because I want to protect their privacy. I at least want to let you know what made them turn to surrogacy. The embryos we will be using are from the same batch as the twins. The RE mentioned that they were all of great quality. He seems very confident that we will get pregnant. I was happy to hear that. He did say that implanting two embryos should be sufficient. When the IPs and I discussed the number of embryos to implant previously we agreed to three. IF did some research and said that because it is a frozen transfer the chances of the pregnancy taking are of a lower percentage. I did some research as well and found several articles that supported this theory. I also read that the frozen transfer is just as successful as a fresh transfer. Some doctors even suggested frozen were more successful. This is one of the reasons I was anxious to talk to the RE. I wanted his opinion on the matter. IM is happy to do only two embryos. I am going to let her discuss it with IF. I will be seeing them both soon so I will bring it up then and see what they decided.
The RE ordered an ultrasound while I was there. I was aware that I would need one at some point but I was not quite prepared to have it done that day. I was told this appointment was only a consultation and that the ultrasound appointment would probably be the following week. The plan was to have Bill take off the day of the ultrasound appointment so he could drive me. I heard it can be painful so I wanted him there as a backup in case I was too uncomfortable to drive home. Fortunately this ultrasound was not as invasive as the one they originally said they were going to do. Still, not my idea of a good time. The tech was making me laugh. She checked my uterus and then my ovaries. Everything looked good. No unwanted masses, etc, etc. She kept going back to my ovaries. She was fascinated by them. She commented on how fertile I must be. I laughed and told her I had four kids. She said, “I believe it!” LOL. She was cracking me up! At one point she was trying to count the follicles! She seriously acted like this was the highlight of her day!
Now that we have the all clear from the RE all we need to do is some blood work and then we can finally move on to the contract phase. In TX we have to get the court to approve the arrangement. The process could take 2-4wks. As soon as we get the court approval I will start on BCPs. I will be given a shot of Lupron at some point to start my cycle. Then I will start estrogen patches. Before the transfer I will start the PIO(progesterone in oil). This is a shot I will have to give myself daily. Once the pregnancy is confirmed I will hopefully get to switch to a different form of progesterone. I will need to continue that through the first 10wks of the pregnancy. After that I will be released from the REs care to my regular OB.
I will be doing the blood work on the 17th. We plan to meet with the IPs for lunch and then head to the clinic. We are able to do the tests at IF’s office so that allows us to be flexible with the time and date. I’m looking forward to getting our families together for the afternoon. They only got to meet K and M the last time. I think they are looking forward to meeting the rest of my crew. I have already told them so much about the kids. What can I say, I am a proud mama. I am hoping to get to know their little ones better as well. :-) They seem like great kids.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Group Evaluation
Friday was the group meeting with the psychotherapist. DH could not make it so it was just me and IPs. It's funny, I don't feel like I just met them. I feel like I have know them all along. It was very easy to talk to them and joke around. We did get to discuss some of the more important issues. I was happy to see we shared the same views. The therapist was pleased and commented on us being a great match.
One thing that was mentioned was communicating my needs. I will admit to being a stubborn person when it comes to asking for help. This is something I will definitely have to work on. Supermom I am not, even if I try to be. I have to remind myself that this is not all about me. This is their baby and I understand their desire to be there every step of the way and their wanting to take care of me, as a husband would want to take care of his pregnant wife.
Tomorrow is the appointment with the fertility specialist. I am looking forward to talking to the doctor and finding out the protocol. I know there are a couple of different ways to go about the transfer. They can do a natural cycle where they monitor my ovulation and implant the embryos 2-3 days post ovulation. They try to match the age of the embryos with the DPO(days past ovulation). Then there is the possibility that they will use drugs to suppress my ovulation. In this scenario they will have more control over the transfer date. I am a little nervous about having to give myself injections. I have also heard the medication can make you wacky. No worries, I already warned DH. Lol.
I guess I already resigned myself to option #2. I know my body well enough to know how unpredictable I can be. I've done enough research to know that our chances will be better if they can manipulate my cycle with the use of the drugs. I am no expert though so we shall wait and see what the doctor has to say tomorrow. Did I mention IM is going to meet me there? :-)
One thing that was mentioned was communicating my needs. I will admit to being a stubborn person when it comes to asking for help. This is something I will definitely have to work on. Supermom I am not, even if I try to be. I have to remind myself that this is not all about me. This is their baby and I understand their desire to be there every step of the way and their wanting to take care of me, as a husband would want to take care of his pregnant wife.
Tomorrow is the appointment with the fertility specialist. I am looking forward to talking to the doctor and finding out the protocol. I know there are a couple of different ways to go about the transfer. They can do a natural cycle where they monitor my ovulation and implant the embryos 2-3 days post ovulation. They try to match the age of the embryos with the DPO(days past ovulation). Then there is the possibility that they will use drugs to suppress my ovulation. In this scenario they will have more control over the transfer date. I am a little nervous about having to give myself injections. I have also heard the medication can make you wacky. No worries, I already warned DH. Lol.
I guess I already resigned myself to option #2. I know my body well enough to know how unpredictable I can be. I've done enough research to know that our chances will be better if they can manipulate my cycle with the use of the drugs. I am no expert though so we shall wait and see what the doctor has to say tomorrow. Did I mention IM is going to meet me there? :-)
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Pych Evaluation
I had my psych evaluation this past Tuesday. I first interviewed with the Psychotherapist. She asked me a lot of questions about my family life. Then she wanted to know what led me to surrogacy. I was doing well until I started talking about my family member that had struggled with infertility. I was a little embarrassed about tearing up in front of her. I’m sure she is used to it though. We continued to talk about my expectations during and after the surrogacy. I also had to do the 567 question evaluation test. It was the same one I did with the agency. Made me giggle the second time around too. :-) Some of the questions are really out there. Overall I felt like it went well. The feedback I have received since the appointment has been excellent. I was happy to know there were going to be no straight jackets in my future. Haha!
Next step is the group evaluation with IPs and the psychotherapist. That will be this coming Friday. I am looking forward to seeing A and S again. I’m not too worried about the appt itself. We have already discussed most of the issues we are supposed be covering at the appointment. We seem to be on the same page so I think we are good.
I officially cut ties with the agency. I did not think it was fair for me to remain in their database for other IPs to consider if I was moving on elsewhere. The director was very understanding and offered her services to the couple and I if we needed it. I thought that was sweet of her.
On a side note, I was talking to an acquaintance about my plans to be a surrogate. After the initial shock she asked me what made me want to do it and B piped up and said, “because she likes to help people.” What a great observation for him to make. Made me feel good. One of the things I was hoping to accomplish in doing this is to teach my children about helping others. This life is not all about what is in it for us. I think they are starting to see that. I really am looking forward to seeing this journey through their eyes as well.
Next step is the group evaluation with IPs and the psychotherapist. That will be this coming Friday. I am looking forward to seeing A and S again. I’m not too worried about the appt itself. We have already discussed most of the issues we are supposed be covering at the appointment. We seem to be on the same page so I think we are good.
I officially cut ties with the agency. I did not think it was fair for me to remain in their database for other IPs to consider if I was moving on elsewhere. The director was very understanding and offered her services to the couple and I if we needed it. I thought that was sweet of her.
On a side note, I was talking to an acquaintance about my plans to be a surrogate. After the initial shock she asked me what made me want to do it and B piped up and said, “because she likes to help people.” What a great observation for him to make. Made me feel good. One of the things I was hoping to accomplish in doing this is to teach my children about helping others. This life is not all about what is in it for us. I think they are starting to see that. I really am looking forward to seeing this journey through their eyes as well.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Bump in the road
I have mentioned my insurance dilemma previously. It is something we are still working on. The first couple of times I called the company the reps told me that they would not cover my pregnancy if I acted as a surrogate. Since I had to explain exactly what surrogacy was I did not feel confident in their answers. I called once more to see if we could dig deeper. This time, at least, the rep knew what I was referring to. She kept me on the phone for awhile looking through the policy trying to find any wording on exclusions. She was unable to find anything stating they would not cover me as a surrogate. At that point my inquiry was sent for review. I received a letter from the insurance company last week denying all coverage. They could not cite any specific wording supporting their decision so I decided to appeal. That’s where we are at right now.
I had a psych appointment set up for yesterday but C canceled it until we sorted through the insurance stuff. I was starting to worry that this was all going to fall through. I had not heard from the IPs to get their feelings about what was going on. I did not know if they were prepared for the extra cost of taking out a separate policy on me. I heard it can be expensive. Also, how long were they willing to wait for us to sort through this? I did not want to lose them. I was really starting to get stressed over the whole thing.
I received an email from C yesterday morning asking if I could call the hospital and my OB to get a “cash price” for a routine pregnancy and delivery. She is trying to find a way around using the insurance in the event we lose the appeal. She said IPs are willing to wait for the appeal decision. I feel bad for making them hold off for my sake. And if the appeal falls through, then what? About the time I was ready to pull my hair out IF calls me. He said he wanted to touch base and he reassured me that they want to see this through with me. He also said he wants to go forward with the testing. I felt so much better after talking to him! He was very optimistic about everything.
So as of right now I will see the fertility specialist on April 30th. I am waiting for C to get me some times and dates to reschedule the psych appointment. I will hopefully be doing that some time within the next week. I am happy to be moving forward again. I too have a good feeling about everything. I am hoping we can have A and S on their way to having a happy, healthy baby very soon.
I had a psych appointment set up for yesterday but C canceled it until we sorted through the insurance stuff. I was starting to worry that this was all going to fall through. I had not heard from the IPs to get their feelings about what was going on. I did not know if they were prepared for the extra cost of taking out a separate policy on me. I heard it can be expensive. Also, how long were they willing to wait for us to sort through this? I did not want to lose them. I was really starting to get stressed over the whole thing.
I received an email from C yesterday morning asking if I could call the hospital and my OB to get a “cash price” for a routine pregnancy and delivery. She is trying to find a way around using the insurance in the event we lose the appeal. She said IPs are willing to wait for the appeal decision. I feel bad for making them hold off for my sake. And if the appeal falls through, then what? About the time I was ready to pull my hair out IF calls me. He said he wanted to touch base and he reassured me that they want to see this through with me. He also said he wants to go forward with the testing. I felt so much better after talking to him! He was very optimistic about everything.
So as of right now I will see the fertility specialist on April 30th. I am waiting for C to get me some times and dates to reschedule the psych appointment. I will hopefully be doing that some time within the next week. I am happy to be moving forward again. I too have a good feeling about everything. I am hoping we can have A and S on their way to having a happy, healthy baby very soon.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Meeting the IPs
Yesterday was the big day. I was okay until we started getting closer to the restaurant and then my nerves started to get the best of me. I was thinking to myself that I didn’t know what to say to these people. Did I have all the right questions? Was I ready to answer all of their questions? What if our personalities don’t click? You get the idea.
As soon as we turned the corner to the table in the restaurant I was greeted with warm, friendly faces. I instantly felt better. I was still a tad nervous though. From the moment we sat down the conversation flowed. They are very personable and sweet. I talked to IM the majority of the dinner. I could tell she had been preparing for our meeting. She had lots of questions, understandably. They were very open to my questions as well. It wasn’t all business though. We had some laughs and shared stories about our kids. I could tell that they are great parents. Their love for their children is easy to see. Overall it seemed like we shared a lot of the same beliefs and expectations for the pregnancy. I really felt like this could be the perfect match. My questions was, did they feel the same way?
Before the meeting C asked me to call her and let her know how it went. She called me before I had a chance to call her. I love her enthusiasm for what she does. :-D She told me IF had left her a message saying the meeting was wonderful. That sounded promising! She asked me how I thought it went. I told her that I really liked them and could see myself going forward with them, but I did have one thing I needed to be clear on before we proceeded. I did not approach the subject of selective reduction in our meeting. That is a big detail to leave out and I needed to be sure we were on the same page with that. She agreed we needed to discuss that before we moved forward. She let me go so she could speak to IF and see how they felt about the meeting and the reduction issue. An hour or so later she calls me back to say that they would not want to selectively reduce(Yay!) AND they liked me and want me to be their surrogate! I was thrilled to hear this! I told C I would be honored to do this for them. I am looking forward to getting to know them better and be able to share in this journey with them.
C gave me the run down of what we need to do next. She is going to call and get me an appointment for my psych test. Then it will be on to the fertility specialist. I’m not sure what happens after that. She did say things are going to start moving quickly from here. I should have my first appointment within the week. I will do my best to post updates. Stay tuned! :-)
As soon as we turned the corner to the table in the restaurant I was greeted with warm, friendly faces. I instantly felt better. I was still a tad nervous though. From the moment we sat down the conversation flowed. They are very personable and sweet. I talked to IM the majority of the dinner. I could tell she had been preparing for our meeting. She had lots of questions, understandably. They were very open to my questions as well. It wasn’t all business though. We had some laughs and shared stories about our kids. I could tell that they are great parents. Their love for their children is easy to see. Overall it seemed like we shared a lot of the same beliefs and expectations for the pregnancy. I really felt like this could be the perfect match. My questions was, did they feel the same way?
Before the meeting C asked me to call her and let her know how it went. She called me before I had a chance to call her. I love her enthusiasm for what she does. :-D She told me IF had left her a message saying the meeting was wonderful. That sounded promising! She asked me how I thought it went. I told her that I really liked them and could see myself going forward with them, but I did have one thing I needed to be clear on before we proceeded. I did not approach the subject of selective reduction in our meeting. That is a big detail to leave out and I needed to be sure we were on the same page with that. She agreed we needed to discuss that before we moved forward. She let me go so she could speak to IF and see how they felt about the meeting and the reduction issue. An hour or so later she calls me back to say that they would not want to selectively reduce(Yay!) AND they liked me and want me to be their surrogate! I was thrilled to hear this! I told C I would be honored to do this for them. I am looking forward to getting to know them better and be able to share in this journey with them.
C gave me the run down of what we need to do next. She is going to call and get me an appointment for my psych test. Then it will be on to the fertility specialist. I’m not sure what happens after that. She did say things are going to start moving quickly from here. I should have my first appointment within the week. I will do my best to post updates. Stay tuned! :-)
Written 3/27/09
I had my meeting with the surrogacy attorney on Tuesday. Overall I think it went really well. I can be kind of shy when meeting new people but I felt instantly at ease with C. She was very nice and down to Earth. I never felt like I was being interviewed. It felt more like chit-chatting with a girlfriend. Too bad I can’t have her as my lawyer too!
Did I mention we brought our kids to the meeting? C’s daughter is adorable! I was hoping her and M would play together. They barely said two words to each other the whole time but they did both agree that the are new best friends. Lol. Kids are so funny. D, on the other hand, was a wild child. Those of you who know her would not be surprised. I normally don’t let my kids run around in restaurants but it was a kid friendly place and there was hardly anyone there. D took the opportunity to run amuck. She was climbing everything and even ran in the kitchen at one point. I was embarrassed but everyone else thought it was hilarious. It’s a wonder C and I were able to talk at all. Luckily C was understanding.
We did manage to go over some important issues. C asked me what my expectations were of the expected parents, how involved I want them to be and what type of contact would I like to have after the baby is born. We touched on the subject of selective reduction and termination. We discussed my insurance issues again. We are both still a bit unclear how to handle that. She said she is going to let the IPs know where we stand on that and see how they feel. I really want to be upfront about everything. We also talked about how my family feels about me doing this. She was happy to hear I have their full support.
C wanted to know if I was prepared to answer questions from strangers. I have thought about this a lot. People are going to see me PG and assume it is my baby. I have no problem telling people I am a surrogate, a fact that I am very proud of. I realize that some of the reactions may not be as positive as others. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am not easily offended and I know in my heart I am doing a good thing.
C told me a little more about the couple she wants me to meet. She seems to think we will hit it off great. I hope so! She asked if it would be okay to have IM(intended mother) call me to set up our meeting. Of course! I couldn’t wait to talk to her!
I received a call from IM yesterday while I was away at a birthday party. I was disappointed that I missed her call. I called her back and got her machine so I left her a message. It really was not that long from the time I left the message to the time she called me back but it seemed like an eternity. I had a flurry of mixed emotions, excitement and nervousness. I tend to have one of two reactions when I am nervous, I can clam up or I will become a chatter box. When IM called back she got the chatty Diana. Lol. Hopefully I didn’t scare her off. She sounded very sweet. Unfortunately I did not get to talk to her long. Her battery on her phone was dying and she was afraid it would hang up on me in the middle of our conversation. She had to call me back but we did get our meeting set up for Sunday afternoon!
Did I mention we brought our kids to the meeting? C’s daughter is adorable! I was hoping her and M would play together. They barely said two words to each other the whole time but they did both agree that the are new best friends. Lol. Kids are so funny. D, on the other hand, was a wild child. Those of you who know her would not be surprised. I normally don’t let my kids run around in restaurants but it was a kid friendly place and there was hardly anyone there. D took the opportunity to run amuck. She was climbing everything and even ran in the kitchen at one point. I was embarrassed but everyone else thought it was hilarious. It’s a wonder C and I were able to talk at all. Luckily C was understanding.
We did manage to go over some important issues. C asked me what my expectations were of the expected parents, how involved I want them to be and what type of contact would I like to have after the baby is born. We touched on the subject of selective reduction and termination. We discussed my insurance issues again. We are both still a bit unclear how to handle that. She said she is going to let the IPs know where we stand on that and see how they feel. I really want to be upfront about everything. We also talked about how my family feels about me doing this. She was happy to hear I have their full support.
C wanted to know if I was prepared to answer questions from strangers. I have thought about this a lot. People are going to see me PG and assume it is my baby. I have no problem telling people I am a surrogate, a fact that I am very proud of. I realize that some of the reactions may not be as positive as others. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am not easily offended and I know in my heart I am doing a good thing.
C told me a little more about the couple she wants me to meet. She seems to think we will hit it off great. I hope so! She asked if it would be okay to have IM(intended mother) call me to set up our meeting. Of course! I couldn’t wait to talk to her!
I received a call from IM yesterday while I was away at a birthday party. I was disappointed that I missed her call. I called her back and got her machine so I left her a message. It really was not that long from the time I left the message to the time she called me back but it seemed like an eternity. I had a flurry of mixed emotions, excitement and nervousness. I tend to have one of two reactions when I am nervous, I can clam up or I will become a chatter box. When IM called back she got the chatty Diana. Lol. Hopefully I didn’t scare her off. She sounded very sweet. Unfortunately I did not get to talk to her long. Her battery on her phone was dying and she was afraid it would hang up on me in the middle of our conversation. She had to call me back but we did get our meeting set up for Sunday afternoon!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Moving on?
Still no word from the agency. I have not completely given up on them but did decide to start looking into other options. I was given the name of a local surrogacy lawyer by another hopeful surrogate. I was hesitant to contact her at first but finally took a leap of faith and emailed her. She called me back a few days later. She asked me some basic questions and then sent me some forms to fill out. I had some questions about my insurance that she was able to help me sort through. Turns out I might be covered for the surrogacy after all! I am still waiting on the final answer on that but so far we can’t find anything that specifically states that the insurance company will not cover my pregnancy if I were acting as a surrogate. My case is currently being reviewed by the company. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one! I have to be honest, I am a little disappointed that the agency did not look into the issue further since that was suppose to be the hold up all along. :-/
After several phone conversations with the lawyer(we will call her C) we decided to go forward with meeting some of her clients. I guess I should add that she is working for the IPs. I will still have to retain my own lawyer before we finalize the contract. C and I will be meeting this week for lunch. It’s a formality and I completely understand why. Of course she would want to meet me before sending me out to meet her clients. Makes sense. :-) I am looking forward to meeting her! I have really enjoyed talking to her on the phone over the past couple of weeks. It will be nice to meet face to face finally. She is bringing her little ones along too. They are M and D’s ages. The plan is to let the kids play while we chat. That’s the plan anyway. You know how unpredictable these little monkeys can be. ;-) Then if this meeting goes well I will hopefully be meeting with the potential IPs next weekend. C has told me a little about them and it appears we already have a lot in common. The best part is that they are close by!
Even if this doesn’t work out with this particular couple (fingers crossed it does!) I am excited to feel like I am finally moving forward with this.
After several phone conversations with the lawyer(we will call her C) we decided to go forward with meeting some of her clients. I guess I should add that she is working for the IPs. I will still have to retain my own lawyer before we finalize the contract. C and I will be meeting this week for lunch. It’s a formality and I completely understand why. Of course she would want to meet me before sending me out to meet her clients. Makes sense. :-) I am looking forward to meeting her! I have really enjoyed talking to her on the phone over the past couple of weeks. It will be nice to meet face to face finally. She is bringing her little ones along too. They are M and D’s ages. The plan is to let the kids play while we chat. That’s the plan anyway. You know how unpredictable these little monkeys can be. ;-) Then if this meeting goes well I will hopefully be meeting with the potential IPs next weekend. C has told me a little about them and it appears we already have a lot in common. The best part is that they are close by!
Even if this doesn’t work out with this particular couple (fingers crossed it does!) I am excited to feel like I am finally moving forward with this.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Monthly email update
It's been close to a month since my last contact with the agency. I sent K a message asking her how things were going. I admitted to her that I was becoming a little discouraged. I am seeing all these surrogates moving forward rather quickly and I am still here at a stand still. I know you can't rush finding the perfect match. I am trying to keep that in mind. I am just ready to start moving forward with this. It's like making the decision to try to conceive. The second you make up your mind to have that baby you want to skip the rest and just be able to hold that baby in your arms. Then there is all this waiting. There is the waiting to get PG. You wait to ovulate each month, wait to test, wait for that first doctor's appointment to confirm the PG, wait to see if the baby is healthy and find out the sex, and let's not forget the 10 long months of waiting to meet this little person you created. That's a lot of waiting! Through it all you looking forward to that finish line. My journey will take a completely different path but there will still be lots of waiting involved. I will still be sharing in a lot of the anticipation but from a different point of view. I would just be happy to start the race at this point. ;-)
I want to be able to see this dream through and I am willing to wait as long as it takes. I know God has the right couple in mind for me. It is important to me to find that perfect match. After reading some of the message boards and sorting through the classified ads I found there to be quite a few questionable characters out there. It's kind of scary really. I want my IPs to feel 100% at ease with me. I want them to trust in me to take the best possible care of their baby and myself throughout the pregnancy. I not only want to carry their baby but I also want to be their friend. I do want them to be as involved as possible in every aspect of the pregnancy. That means I have to be able to trust them as well.
I am getting distracted. Back to the email. Here is the response I received from K:
Diana,
Actually, things are just beginning to pick up and in fact, we are seeing a client today. Hardly anyone signs up on the spot, but, that means they may in a few days or so. I will keep you posted on how things are.
We have signed a few new clients, but, they all picked surrogates with insurance. I think lowering your fee to bring their expense to an equal place will help. You and several others have done that as well.
Don’t get discouraged. Hang in there, and, I always push you a little because I think you will be easy to work with and great for couples.
Please feel free to check with me anytime.
K
I want to be able to see this dream through and I am willing to wait as long as it takes. I know God has the right couple in mind for me. It is important to me to find that perfect match. After reading some of the message boards and sorting through the classified ads I found there to be quite a few questionable characters out there. It's kind of scary really. I want my IPs to feel 100% at ease with me. I want them to trust in me to take the best possible care of their baby and myself throughout the pregnancy. I not only want to carry their baby but I also want to be their friend. I do want them to be as involved as possible in every aspect of the pregnancy. That means I have to be able to trust them as well.
I am getting distracted. Back to the email. Here is the response I received from K:
Diana,
Actually, things are just beginning to pick up and in fact, we are seeing a client today. Hardly anyone signs up on the spot, but, that means they may in a few days or so. I will keep you posted on how things are.
We have signed a few new clients, but, they all picked surrogates with insurance. I think lowering your fee to bring their expense to an equal place will help. You and several others have done that as well.
Don’t get discouraged. Hang in there, and, I always push you a little because I think you will be easy to work with and great for couples.
Please feel free to check with me anytime.
K
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Sorry it has taken me so long to update. I did hear back from K shortly after I sent the email, just did not have a chance to write until now. K is always great about getting back to me right away. Did I mention before how much I like her? I feel like I am in good hands with the agency and she is one of the reasons why.
Back to the update. K said she was surprised that I had not been matched yet. She said I “seem to be a very good surrogate.” She explained that it probably has a lot to do with the economy. All the agencies are being affected right now. Surrogacy is expensive enough as it is and with the couple needing to take out a separate insurance policy on me it is not helping my chances. My insurance company will not cover expenses related to surrogacy so the IPs (Intended Parents) will have to take out a policy for me. Because of the added costs many of the IPs are holding out for surrogates with insurance coverage. I hate that it all comes down to money. I don’t think anyone should have to pay to have a child but for some it’s the only way.
After many emails back and forth I have decided to lower my costs to the couple to help offset the additional costs of insurance. As I told K, I am not doing this for the money. She was sweet and wanted to make sure I was properly compensated. Because of the issue with the insurance and the fact that I am a first time surrogate I am already getting paid a lot less than most surrogates. She did not want to see me go any lower. I told her I was fine with it and was happy to help. She went ahead and updated my profile to reflect the new terms. We shall see what happens from here. This may be a longer wait than I thought.
Back to the update. K said she was surprised that I had not been matched yet. She said I “seem to be a very good surrogate.” She explained that it probably has a lot to do with the economy. All the agencies are being affected right now. Surrogacy is expensive enough as it is and with the couple needing to take out a separate insurance policy on me it is not helping my chances. My insurance company will not cover expenses related to surrogacy so the IPs (Intended Parents) will have to take out a policy for me. Because of the added costs many of the IPs are holding out for surrogates with insurance coverage. I hate that it all comes down to money. I don’t think anyone should have to pay to have a child but for some it’s the only way.
After many emails back and forth I have decided to lower my costs to the couple to help offset the additional costs of insurance. As I told K, I am not doing this for the money. She was sweet and wanted to make sure I was properly compensated. Because of the issue with the insurance and the fact that I am a first time surrogate I am already getting paid a lot less than most surrogates. She did not want to see me go any lower. I told her I was fine with it and was happy to help. She went ahead and updated my profile to reflect the new terms. We shall see what happens from here. This may be a longer wait than I thought.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
This blog is getting pretty boring huh? I wish I had an update. I've got nothing!
I thought for sure I would hear something by now. I have been asking other surrogates how long it took them to get matched and most of them were within a month. Some within days! Really?? So what's the hold up over here? If I don't hear something soon I am going to start to develop a complex! Lol.
I emailed the director again this morning. Hopefully I will hear something back soon. I will update when I do. Thanks for hanging in there with me!
I thought for sure I would hear something by now. I have been asking other surrogates how long it took them to get matched and most of them were within a month. Some within days! Really?? So what's the hold up over here? If I don't hear something soon I am going to start to develop a complex! Lol.
I emailed the director again this morning. Hopefully I will hear something back soon. I will update when I do. Thanks for hanging in there with me!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Email response
Here were are at the start of a new year.
Now that the holidays have come and gone and life is settling back into a somewhat normal routine, my mind is set on making this surrogacy happen. I am as anxious as ever to get started. I am giddy at the thought that this could be the year I get to make someone's dream come true!
I was debating on whether or not to call the agency since it had been awhile since I have heard anything. With some encouragement from the great women on the surrogacy support boards I decided I will call on Monday. While emailing another hopeful surrogate last night I decided that I couldn't wait until Monday. I needed to hear something NOW. Remember what I said, I am not a patient person! Lol. So I email the agency late last night. I was so excited to see a response from the director first thing this morning! Here is what she wrote:
To increase the chances of pregnancy the doctor will implant 2 or more fertilized eggs. It is rare that they all take, but possible. They can implant 6 and all 6 of them will take! There are many factors involved. I won't bore with all the details. I just want those that may not be familiar with the process to have a general idea of how it works so you can know where I am coming from. Selective reduction means that the couple has the ability to terminate one or more of the embryos to achieve the number of babies (or simply, baby) they desire. I cannot see terminating a perfectly healthy pregnancy. At least give them a fighting chance is my take on it. As just so you know, they will not be implanting 6 embryos! Lol.
It may sound like I am contradicting myself. You may be saying, well then why terminate for health reasons? Why not give the baby that's there a fighting chance? Believe me, I would! But the way I see it, this couple has obviously been through a lot of heartache already if they are having to turn to surrogacy. I can't imagine that this would be an easy decision for them. Everyone has their breaking point though. If they are told their baby had little chance of survival outside the womb and they felt like they couldn't handle it emotionally to have this child die in their arms then why put them through that? God forbid anything like this actually happen, but if it did I feel like the couple should have the option to decide what is best for them and their family.
I hope that makes sense and I apologize if this upsets anyone. I had some difficult decisions to make when i decided to go through with the surrogacy. This certainly was not an easy decision to have to make.
If I hear anything later this week I will be sure to update. Keep the prayers going and the fingers crossed!
Now that the holidays have come and gone and life is settling back into a somewhat normal routine, my mind is set on making this surrogacy happen. I am as anxious as ever to get started. I am giddy at the thought that this could be the year I get to make someone's dream come true!
I was debating on whether or not to call the agency since it had been awhile since I have heard anything. With some encouragement from the great women on the surrogacy support boards I decided I will call on Monday. While emailing another hopeful surrogate last night I decided that I couldn't wait until Monday. I needed to hear something NOW. Remember what I said, I am not a patient person! Lol. So I email the agency late last night. I was so excited to see a response from the director first thing this morning! Here is what she wrote:
Diana,
You are on the database. We have the most surrogates we have had in a very long time, so it may take a little while. We were very slow during November and December and did not add a lot of new clients. We have, however, this last week, started really picking back up. So, I don’t think it will take that long. A good deal of the surrogates on the database currently will not give the couple the option to terminate, so I think that helps to match you sooner a lot. I have two clients coming in next week and I think you are a good match for one who is from Arizona. They are ready to go now. Check with me after Wednesday to see how it goes. I also have two clients waiting to be matched. One only wants a Georgia surrogate, the other one won’t be back until the end of this month and will pick someone then.
Thanks much for checking,
K
To increase the chances of pregnancy the doctor will implant 2 or more fertilized eggs. It is rare that they all take, but possible. They can implant 6 and all 6 of them will take! There are many factors involved. I won't bore with all the details. I just want those that may not be familiar with the process to have a general idea of how it works so you can know where I am coming from. Selective reduction means that the couple has the ability to terminate one or more of the embryos to achieve the number of babies (or simply, baby) they desire. I cannot see terminating a perfectly healthy pregnancy. At least give them a fighting chance is my take on it. As just so you know, they will not be implanting 6 embryos! Lol.
It may sound like I am contradicting myself. You may be saying, well then why terminate for health reasons? Why not give the baby that's there a fighting chance? Believe me, I would! But the way I see it, this couple has obviously been through a lot of heartache already if they are having to turn to surrogacy. I can't imagine that this would be an easy decision for them. Everyone has their breaking point though. If they are told their baby had little chance of survival outside the womb and they felt like they couldn't handle it emotionally to have this child die in their arms then why put them through that? God forbid anything like this actually happen, but if it did I feel like the couple should have the option to decide what is best for them and their family.
I hope that makes sense and I apologize if this upsets anyone. I had some difficult decisions to make when i decided to go through with the surrogacy. This certainly was not an easy decision to have to make.
If I hear anything later this week I will be sure to update. Keep the prayers going and the fingers crossed!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)