Friday was the group meeting with the psychotherapist. DH could not make it so it was just me and IPs. It's funny, I don't feel like I just met them. I feel like I have know them all along. It was very easy to talk to them and joke around. We did get to discuss some of the more important issues. I was happy to see we shared the same views. The therapist was pleased and commented on us being a great match.
One thing that was mentioned was communicating my needs. I will admit to being a stubborn person when it comes to asking for help. This is something I will definitely have to work on. Supermom I am not, even if I try to be. I have to remind myself that this is not all about me. This is their baby and I understand their desire to be there every step of the way and their wanting to take care of me, as a husband would want to take care of his pregnant wife.
Tomorrow is the appointment with the fertility specialist. I am looking forward to talking to the doctor and finding out the protocol. I know there are a couple of different ways to go about the transfer. They can do a natural cycle where they monitor my ovulation and implant the embryos 2-3 days post ovulation. They try to match the age of the embryos with the DPO(days past ovulation). Then there is the possibility that they will use drugs to suppress my ovulation. In this scenario they will have more control over the transfer date. I am a little nervous about having to give myself injections. I have also heard the medication can make you wacky. No worries, I already warned DH. Lol.
I guess I already resigned myself to option #2. I know my body well enough to know how unpredictable I can be. I've done enough research to know that our chances will be better if they can manipulate my cycle with the use of the drugs. I am no expert though so we shall wait and see what the doctor has to say tomorrow. Did I mention IM is going to meet me there? :-)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Pych Evaluation
I had my psych evaluation this past Tuesday. I first interviewed with the Psychotherapist. She asked me a lot of questions about my family life. Then she wanted to know what led me to surrogacy. I was doing well until I started talking about my family member that had struggled with infertility. I was a little embarrassed about tearing up in front of her. I’m sure she is used to it though. We continued to talk about my expectations during and after the surrogacy. I also had to do the 567 question evaluation test. It was the same one I did with the agency. Made me giggle the second time around too. :-) Some of the questions are really out there. Overall I felt like it went well. The feedback I have received since the appointment has been excellent. I was happy to know there were going to be no straight jackets in my future. Haha!
Next step is the group evaluation with IPs and the psychotherapist. That will be this coming Friday. I am looking forward to seeing A and S again. I’m not too worried about the appt itself. We have already discussed most of the issues we are supposed be covering at the appointment. We seem to be on the same page so I think we are good.
I officially cut ties with the agency. I did not think it was fair for me to remain in their database for other IPs to consider if I was moving on elsewhere. The director was very understanding and offered her services to the couple and I if we needed it. I thought that was sweet of her.
On a side note, I was talking to an acquaintance about my plans to be a surrogate. After the initial shock she asked me what made me want to do it and B piped up and said, “because she likes to help people.” What a great observation for him to make. Made me feel good. One of the things I was hoping to accomplish in doing this is to teach my children about helping others. This life is not all about what is in it for us. I think they are starting to see that. I really am looking forward to seeing this journey through their eyes as well.
Next step is the group evaluation with IPs and the psychotherapist. That will be this coming Friday. I am looking forward to seeing A and S again. I’m not too worried about the appt itself. We have already discussed most of the issues we are supposed be covering at the appointment. We seem to be on the same page so I think we are good.
I officially cut ties with the agency. I did not think it was fair for me to remain in their database for other IPs to consider if I was moving on elsewhere. The director was very understanding and offered her services to the couple and I if we needed it. I thought that was sweet of her.
On a side note, I was talking to an acquaintance about my plans to be a surrogate. After the initial shock she asked me what made me want to do it and B piped up and said, “because she likes to help people.” What a great observation for him to make. Made me feel good. One of the things I was hoping to accomplish in doing this is to teach my children about helping others. This life is not all about what is in it for us. I think they are starting to see that. I really am looking forward to seeing this journey through their eyes as well.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Bump in the road
I have mentioned my insurance dilemma previously. It is something we are still working on. The first couple of times I called the company the reps told me that they would not cover my pregnancy if I acted as a surrogate. Since I had to explain exactly what surrogacy was I did not feel confident in their answers. I called once more to see if we could dig deeper. This time, at least, the rep knew what I was referring to. She kept me on the phone for awhile looking through the policy trying to find any wording on exclusions. She was unable to find anything stating they would not cover me as a surrogate. At that point my inquiry was sent for review. I received a letter from the insurance company last week denying all coverage. They could not cite any specific wording supporting their decision so I decided to appeal. That’s where we are at right now.
I had a psych appointment set up for yesterday but C canceled it until we sorted through the insurance stuff. I was starting to worry that this was all going to fall through. I had not heard from the IPs to get their feelings about what was going on. I did not know if they were prepared for the extra cost of taking out a separate policy on me. I heard it can be expensive. Also, how long were they willing to wait for us to sort through this? I did not want to lose them. I was really starting to get stressed over the whole thing.
I received an email from C yesterday morning asking if I could call the hospital and my OB to get a “cash price” for a routine pregnancy and delivery. She is trying to find a way around using the insurance in the event we lose the appeal. She said IPs are willing to wait for the appeal decision. I feel bad for making them hold off for my sake. And if the appeal falls through, then what? About the time I was ready to pull my hair out IF calls me. He said he wanted to touch base and he reassured me that they want to see this through with me. He also said he wants to go forward with the testing. I felt so much better after talking to him! He was very optimistic about everything.
So as of right now I will see the fertility specialist on April 30th. I am waiting for C to get me some times and dates to reschedule the psych appointment. I will hopefully be doing that some time within the next week. I am happy to be moving forward again. I too have a good feeling about everything. I am hoping we can have A and S on their way to having a happy, healthy baby very soon.
I had a psych appointment set up for yesterday but C canceled it until we sorted through the insurance stuff. I was starting to worry that this was all going to fall through. I had not heard from the IPs to get their feelings about what was going on. I did not know if they were prepared for the extra cost of taking out a separate policy on me. I heard it can be expensive. Also, how long were they willing to wait for us to sort through this? I did not want to lose them. I was really starting to get stressed over the whole thing.
I received an email from C yesterday morning asking if I could call the hospital and my OB to get a “cash price” for a routine pregnancy and delivery. She is trying to find a way around using the insurance in the event we lose the appeal. She said IPs are willing to wait for the appeal decision. I feel bad for making them hold off for my sake. And if the appeal falls through, then what? About the time I was ready to pull my hair out IF calls me. He said he wanted to touch base and he reassured me that they want to see this through with me. He also said he wants to go forward with the testing. I felt so much better after talking to him! He was very optimistic about everything.
So as of right now I will see the fertility specialist on April 30th. I am waiting for C to get me some times and dates to reschedule the psych appointment. I will hopefully be doing that some time within the next week. I am happy to be moving forward again. I too have a good feeling about everything. I am hoping we can have A and S on their way to having a happy, healthy baby very soon.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Meeting the IPs
Yesterday was the big day. I was okay until we started getting closer to the restaurant and then my nerves started to get the best of me. I was thinking to myself that I didn’t know what to say to these people. Did I have all the right questions? Was I ready to answer all of their questions? What if our personalities don’t click? You get the idea.
As soon as we turned the corner to the table in the restaurant I was greeted with warm, friendly faces. I instantly felt better. I was still a tad nervous though. From the moment we sat down the conversation flowed. They are very personable and sweet. I talked to IM the majority of the dinner. I could tell she had been preparing for our meeting. She had lots of questions, understandably. They were very open to my questions as well. It wasn’t all business though. We had some laughs and shared stories about our kids. I could tell that they are great parents. Their love for their children is easy to see. Overall it seemed like we shared a lot of the same beliefs and expectations for the pregnancy. I really felt like this could be the perfect match. My questions was, did they feel the same way?
Before the meeting C asked me to call her and let her know how it went. She called me before I had a chance to call her. I love her enthusiasm for what she does. :-D She told me IF had left her a message saying the meeting was wonderful. That sounded promising! She asked me how I thought it went. I told her that I really liked them and could see myself going forward with them, but I did have one thing I needed to be clear on before we proceeded. I did not approach the subject of selective reduction in our meeting. That is a big detail to leave out and I needed to be sure we were on the same page with that. She agreed we needed to discuss that before we moved forward. She let me go so she could speak to IF and see how they felt about the meeting and the reduction issue. An hour or so later she calls me back to say that they would not want to selectively reduce(Yay!) AND they liked me and want me to be their surrogate! I was thrilled to hear this! I told C I would be honored to do this for them. I am looking forward to getting to know them better and be able to share in this journey with them.
C gave me the run down of what we need to do next. She is going to call and get me an appointment for my psych test. Then it will be on to the fertility specialist. I’m not sure what happens after that. She did say things are going to start moving quickly from here. I should have my first appointment within the week. I will do my best to post updates. Stay tuned! :-)
As soon as we turned the corner to the table in the restaurant I was greeted with warm, friendly faces. I instantly felt better. I was still a tad nervous though. From the moment we sat down the conversation flowed. They are very personable and sweet. I talked to IM the majority of the dinner. I could tell she had been preparing for our meeting. She had lots of questions, understandably. They were very open to my questions as well. It wasn’t all business though. We had some laughs and shared stories about our kids. I could tell that they are great parents. Their love for their children is easy to see. Overall it seemed like we shared a lot of the same beliefs and expectations for the pregnancy. I really felt like this could be the perfect match. My questions was, did they feel the same way?
Before the meeting C asked me to call her and let her know how it went. She called me before I had a chance to call her. I love her enthusiasm for what she does. :-D She told me IF had left her a message saying the meeting was wonderful. That sounded promising! She asked me how I thought it went. I told her that I really liked them and could see myself going forward with them, but I did have one thing I needed to be clear on before we proceeded. I did not approach the subject of selective reduction in our meeting. That is a big detail to leave out and I needed to be sure we were on the same page with that. She agreed we needed to discuss that before we moved forward. She let me go so she could speak to IF and see how they felt about the meeting and the reduction issue. An hour or so later she calls me back to say that they would not want to selectively reduce(Yay!) AND they liked me and want me to be their surrogate! I was thrilled to hear this! I told C I would be honored to do this for them. I am looking forward to getting to know them better and be able to share in this journey with them.
C gave me the run down of what we need to do next. She is going to call and get me an appointment for my psych test. Then it will be on to the fertility specialist. I’m not sure what happens after that. She did say things are going to start moving quickly from here. I should have my first appointment within the week. I will do my best to post updates. Stay tuned! :-)
Written 3/27/09
I had my meeting with the surrogacy attorney on Tuesday. Overall I think it went really well. I can be kind of shy when meeting new people but I felt instantly at ease with C. She was very nice and down to Earth. I never felt like I was being interviewed. It felt more like chit-chatting with a girlfriend. Too bad I can’t have her as my lawyer too!
Did I mention we brought our kids to the meeting? C’s daughter is adorable! I was hoping her and M would play together. They barely said two words to each other the whole time but they did both agree that the are new best friends. Lol. Kids are so funny. D, on the other hand, was a wild child. Those of you who know her would not be surprised. I normally don’t let my kids run around in restaurants but it was a kid friendly place and there was hardly anyone there. D took the opportunity to run amuck. She was climbing everything and even ran in the kitchen at one point. I was embarrassed but everyone else thought it was hilarious. It’s a wonder C and I were able to talk at all. Luckily C was understanding.
We did manage to go over some important issues. C asked me what my expectations were of the expected parents, how involved I want them to be and what type of contact would I like to have after the baby is born. We touched on the subject of selective reduction and termination. We discussed my insurance issues again. We are both still a bit unclear how to handle that. She said she is going to let the IPs know where we stand on that and see how they feel. I really want to be upfront about everything. We also talked about how my family feels about me doing this. She was happy to hear I have their full support.
C wanted to know if I was prepared to answer questions from strangers. I have thought about this a lot. People are going to see me PG and assume it is my baby. I have no problem telling people I am a surrogate, a fact that I am very proud of. I realize that some of the reactions may not be as positive as others. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am not easily offended and I know in my heart I am doing a good thing.
C told me a little more about the couple she wants me to meet. She seems to think we will hit it off great. I hope so! She asked if it would be okay to have IM(intended mother) call me to set up our meeting. Of course! I couldn’t wait to talk to her!
I received a call from IM yesterday while I was away at a birthday party. I was disappointed that I missed her call. I called her back and got her machine so I left her a message. It really was not that long from the time I left the message to the time she called me back but it seemed like an eternity. I had a flurry of mixed emotions, excitement and nervousness. I tend to have one of two reactions when I am nervous, I can clam up or I will become a chatter box. When IM called back she got the chatty Diana. Lol. Hopefully I didn’t scare her off. She sounded very sweet. Unfortunately I did not get to talk to her long. Her battery on her phone was dying and she was afraid it would hang up on me in the middle of our conversation. She had to call me back but we did get our meeting set up for Sunday afternoon!
Did I mention we brought our kids to the meeting? C’s daughter is adorable! I was hoping her and M would play together. They barely said two words to each other the whole time but they did both agree that the are new best friends. Lol. Kids are so funny. D, on the other hand, was a wild child. Those of you who know her would not be surprised. I normally don’t let my kids run around in restaurants but it was a kid friendly place and there was hardly anyone there. D took the opportunity to run amuck. She was climbing everything and even ran in the kitchen at one point. I was embarrassed but everyone else thought it was hilarious. It’s a wonder C and I were able to talk at all. Luckily C was understanding.
We did manage to go over some important issues. C asked me what my expectations were of the expected parents, how involved I want them to be and what type of contact would I like to have after the baby is born. We touched on the subject of selective reduction and termination. We discussed my insurance issues again. We are both still a bit unclear how to handle that. She said she is going to let the IPs know where we stand on that and see how they feel. I really want to be upfront about everything. We also talked about how my family feels about me doing this. She was happy to hear I have their full support.
C wanted to know if I was prepared to answer questions from strangers. I have thought about this a lot. People are going to see me PG and assume it is my baby. I have no problem telling people I am a surrogate, a fact that I am very proud of. I realize that some of the reactions may not be as positive as others. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am not easily offended and I know in my heart I am doing a good thing.
C told me a little more about the couple she wants me to meet. She seems to think we will hit it off great. I hope so! She asked if it would be okay to have IM(intended mother) call me to set up our meeting. Of course! I couldn’t wait to talk to her!
I received a call from IM yesterday while I was away at a birthday party. I was disappointed that I missed her call. I called her back and got her machine so I left her a message. It really was not that long from the time I left the message to the time she called me back but it seemed like an eternity. I had a flurry of mixed emotions, excitement and nervousness. I tend to have one of two reactions when I am nervous, I can clam up or I will become a chatter box. When IM called back she got the chatty Diana. Lol. Hopefully I didn’t scare her off. She sounded very sweet. Unfortunately I did not get to talk to her long. Her battery on her phone was dying and she was afraid it would hang up on me in the middle of our conversation. She had to call me back but we did get our meeting set up for Sunday afternoon!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Moving on?
Still no word from the agency. I have not completely given up on them but did decide to start looking into other options. I was given the name of a local surrogacy lawyer by another hopeful surrogate. I was hesitant to contact her at first but finally took a leap of faith and emailed her. She called me back a few days later. She asked me some basic questions and then sent me some forms to fill out. I had some questions about my insurance that she was able to help me sort through. Turns out I might be covered for the surrogacy after all! I am still waiting on the final answer on that but so far we can’t find anything that specifically states that the insurance company will not cover my pregnancy if I were acting as a surrogate. My case is currently being reviewed by the company. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one! I have to be honest, I am a little disappointed that the agency did not look into the issue further since that was suppose to be the hold up all along. :-/
After several phone conversations with the lawyer(we will call her C) we decided to go forward with meeting some of her clients. I guess I should add that she is working for the IPs. I will still have to retain my own lawyer before we finalize the contract. C and I will be meeting this week for lunch. It’s a formality and I completely understand why. Of course she would want to meet me before sending me out to meet her clients. Makes sense. :-) I am looking forward to meeting her! I have really enjoyed talking to her on the phone over the past couple of weeks. It will be nice to meet face to face finally. She is bringing her little ones along too. They are M and D’s ages. The plan is to let the kids play while we chat. That’s the plan anyway. You know how unpredictable these little monkeys can be. ;-) Then if this meeting goes well I will hopefully be meeting with the potential IPs next weekend. C has told me a little about them and it appears we already have a lot in common. The best part is that they are close by!
Even if this doesn’t work out with this particular couple (fingers crossed it does!) I am excited to feel like I am finally moving forward with this.
After several phone conversations with the lawyer(we will call her C) we decided to go forward with meeting some of her clients. I guess I should add that she is working for the IPs. I will still have to retain my own lawyer before we finalize the contract. C and I will be meeting this week for lunch. It’s a formality and I completely understand why. Of course she would want to meet me before sending me out to meet her clients. Makes sense. :-) I am looking forward to meeting her! I have really enjoyed talking to her on the phone over the past couple of weeks. It will be nice to meet face to face finally. She is bringing her little ones along too. They are M and D’s ages. The plan is to let the kids play while we chat. That’s the plan anyway. You know how unpredictable these little monkeys can be. ;-) Then if this meeting goes well I will hopefully be meeting with the potential IPs next weekend. C has told me a little about them and it appears we already have a lot in common. The best part is that they are close by!
Even if this doesn’t work out with this particular couple (fingers crossed it does!) I am excited to feel like I am finally moving forward with this.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Monthly email update
It's been close to a month since my last contact with the agency. I sent K a message asking her how things were going. I admitted to her that I was becoming a little discouraged. I am seeing all these surrogates moving forward rather quickly and I am still here at a stand still. I know you can't rush finding the perfect match. I am trying to keep that in mind. I am just ready to start moving forward with this. It's like making the decision to try to conceive. The second you make up your mind to have that baby you want to skip the rest and just be able to hold that baby in your arms. Then there is all this waiting. There is the waiting to get PG. You wait to ovulate each month, wait to test, wait for that first doctor's appointment to confirm the PG, wait to see if the baby is healthy and find out the sex, and let's not forget the 10 long months of waiting to meet this little person you created. That's a lot of waiting! Through it all you looking forward to that finish line. My journey will take a completely different path but there will still be lots of waiting involved. I will still be sharing in a lot of the anticipation but from a different point of view. I would just be happy to start the race at this point. ;-)
I want to be able to see this dream through and I am willing to wait as long as it takes. I know God has the right couple in mind for me. It is important to me to find that perfect match. After reading some of the message boards and sorting through the classified ads I found there to be quite a few questionable characters out there. It's kind of scary really. I want my IPs to feel 100% at ease with me. I want them to trust in me to take the best possible care of their baby and myself throughout the pregnancy. I not only want to carry their baby but I also want to be their friend. I do want them to be as involved as possible in every aspect of the pregnancy. That means I have to be able to trust them as well.
I am getting distracted. Back to the email. Here is the response I received from K:
Diana,
Actually, things are just beginning to pick up and in fact, we are seeing a client today. Hardly anyone signs up on the spot, but, that means they may in a few days or so. I will keep you posted on how things are.
We have signed a few new clients, but, they all picked surrogates with insurance. I think lowering your fee to bring their expense to an equal place will help. You and several others have done that as well.
Don’t get discouraged. Hang in there, and, I always push you a little because I think you will be easy to work with and great for couples.
Please feel free to check with me anytime.
K
I want to be able to see this dream through and I am willing to wait as long as it takes. I know God has the right couple in mind for me. It is important to me to find that perfect match. After reading some of the message boards and sorting through the classified ads I found there to be quite a few questionable characters out there. It's kind of scary really. I want my IPs to feel 100% at ease with me. I want them to trust in me to take the best possible care of their baby and myself throughout the pregnancy. I not only want to carry their baby but I also want to be their friend. I do want them to be as involved as possible in every aspect of the pregnancy. That means I have to be able to trust them as well.
I am getting distracted. Back to the email. Here is the response I received from K:
Diana,
Actually, things are just beginning to pick up and in fact, we are seeing a client today. Hardly anyone signs up on the spot, but, that means they may in a few days or so. I will keep you posted on how things are.
We have signed a few new clients, but, they all picked surrogates with insurance. I think lowering your fee to bring their expense to an equal place will help. You and several others have done that as well.
Don’t get discouraged. Hang in there, and, I always push you a little because I think you will be easy to work with and great for couples.
Please feel free to check with me anytime.
K
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