Scared

Moment of truth tomorrow! I am a nervous wreck. I want so bad to be able to give IPs good news tomorrow but am fearful that I won’t be able to. I keep waiting for some defining sign of being pregnant. Through my four pregnancies and my surrogacies I have become pretty good at reading my body. I’m just not feeling it this time. I hope to God I am wrong. I have tried very hard to stay positive but it’s hard. I feel absurdly normal right now. I have no symptoms. I did have some cramping from 4dpt to 7dpt. Now it just feels like I am getting ready to start my cycle. I’m sad and I am scared. I am praying for strength, for peace (within myself and with the situation), and most of all I am praying for a miracle! I have already decided I was not going to pursue surrogacy any further if it did not work this time. It is getting to be too much physically and emotionally. Should our results be negative tomorrow and IPs want to try again I will continue with them but when they are done I am done. I have given so much of myself to do this. This has been a part of who I am for the past 3 years. It’s like if I don’t do this I will feel incomplete. I wanted more than anything to help these families. If I feel incomplete I can only image how they feel. I don't want to let them down.